Update From the Wolf Den; On Site

Suffice it to say, Wolf was shocked to walk into the therapist's office and see me.

Physically, he looks fantastic. A bit taller, close to 5'10" now. It was nice to see him paying attention to himself; kudos to staff for making him stick to it.

On the not-so-good side, he has not earned a trip outside the grounds due to continued inappropriate behavior. Bummer for him, as the Director and I are going to make this trip less about Mom bearing gifts and more about "what could have been". Tough, but necessary.

I did some preliminary shopping for t-shirts, socks, and new sweatpants; found some writing paper and note cards. Wolf and I spent some quality time together writing letters to family and friends. No marathon Scrabble games for this guy; we'll be working...

The weather in Salt Lake was gorgeous today; sunny and warmish at about 42 degrees.

I'm settled in for the night; catching up on writing assignments and posting photos. Oh, and eating my favorite Chinese food.

Tomorrow I have to go through Wolf's clothing to see what else I have to buy him. It'll be an early on though, the red-eye is catching up with me.

So far, so good. One day at a time...

"Balentine's Day"

We were blessed with warm temperatures and sunny skies today as we headed off to Campbell Creek Science Center for our Valentine's Day outing. Dog, kid, husband, lots of snow and no mittens needed. All good.

Check out the photo of Bear, with a bear. He was fascinated by the pelt stretched across the center's picnic table, and kept sticking his hand inside the gaping mouth.

Yesterday he helped me make some cookies for Yukon. Three was his limit because, he said, "I don't really want any more Balentine's day cookies, I want the frosting."
Of course he did.

Preschool had a party, too, for which we made chocolate cupcakes (so much baking in such a short time). Bear wanted to have hearts on top, but we had to stick them on with the writing face down, as the verbage might not have been appropriate for 4 year-olds. "Big Daddy", "Marry Me", and my favorite, "Recipe 4 Love", hmm, perhaps not so much...

To the Wolf Den: The Triple-Think Threat

This week is moving at light speed when I would rather it moved at dead slow. A big deadline, two blog posts, a book review, and the usual washing, packing, cooking to do before I leave Saturday night is threatening to consume me.

And then there are the "Triple-Thinks".

Coined for me by my advisor, mentor, friend, and pastor (who is admittedly formerly guilty of the same), the Triple-Think describes my method of problem-solving. Only it doesn't really solve anything, and usually succeeds only in distracting me.

I have spent most of my adult life, and all of Wolf's, needing to create not only a "Plan A" for every situation or occasion, but also a "Plan B", and sometimes a "Plan C" as well. Why? Oh geez, where do I start? I never knew if the situation was going to be too noisy, confusing, or chaotic that might cause Wolf to flitter off in his own direction and cause an argument, or worse. I had to have a backup or two in case we parents could not keep an eye on both children and someone needed to go home for not acting appropriate to the environment. Usually our outings included two cars just for this reason.

With only three full days in which to accomplish the many items on my mental agenda, I started weeks ago with my triple thinking and subsequent rationalizing.

"What if his face is still broken out? Do I see first the nurse, or the staff?" "Do his jeans fit? How can I get into his room to go through his clothes when no one is allowed back there?" "What do I do if he loses it in JC Penney, or a restaurant, for that matter?"

You can see where this is going. I should have been a strategist for the military.

I am going to take this trip as a lesson in what my friend calls "doing the dishes".
One really cannot do too many other things when cleaning dishes. I will take the lesson from this and be in the moment, the very instant at hand, and go from there.

If it is good, I'll take it. If not so good, I'll take that, too, toss it somewhwere and wait for the next minute. Sometimes that is the best way to get through the day.

I think I've said "do the dishes" to myself at least ten times today. Kind of catchy, isn't it?

Update From the Wolf Den

I am spending this week readying myself for an unannounced trip down to Utah; it's been six months since I last saw Wolf.

There are a lot of reasons to visit now, but most of them center around the need for a child to see his mother and vice versa. I don't know if I would have been able to be away from my family for almost a year; Wolf is nothing if not brave.

During this trip, too, there are some questions that need to be asked and options that need to be discussed. Serious, thoughtful discussions that will determine where we are today and where we need to go tomorrow. It's sobering and yet hopeful at the same time.

The piles of books, cards, etc. to take down keeps growing, in spite of my best efforts to keep "stuff" to a minimum. There is the possibility that staff will allow Wolf to accompany me out of the facility for a few hours for some fun time. My guess is that a trip to the book store, the movies, and the hotel swimming pool will be on the agenda. Perhaps a burger at Sonic too, while we're at it.

I will be posting from Utah, and hopefully taking more photos, so keep checking in to see the latest...

To Be Outside Today...

This is one of those days when we look at each other and confirm our desire to stay here, at least for a while.

After a blizzard the other night that only produced 3 or 4 inches of powdery snow, the sun is blinding in its intensity and commitment to stay up beyond 5 p.m.

Its warmth is palpable, even after a below zero start to the day. We are noticing that once the sun is up, now around 9 a.m., the earth warms up much quicker than previously. Yukon and Bear bundled up with Brown Dog to take a little hike this morning across the creek to the Fort Richardson boundary line. The little person actually lasted a half-hour before wanting to come home and slide down our homemade "sledding hill". The dog did not need to stop every few feet and lick the ice crystals from between his pads. Yukon did not freeze his bald head.

It was a good day.

It would have been even better if I had been able to participate.
I have a big deadline, given to me yesterday and due Tuesday. The worst of it is that it is a resource guide for the Alpine Ski Championships this March.

Never try to write about something so delicious as skiing when there is fresh powder and sunshine beckoning...

Update From the Wolf Den: Such a Strange Dance

I feel like Yukon, Wolf and I are engaged in some strange, three-sided folk dance. We have the caller to tell us what to do, where to go, and when to go there. Two of us understand the rules of the dance and proceed to the next step, while one of us breaks the chain of hands and goes off in their own direction, thus messing with the whole thing. Darn them. Everybody knows you can't do a folk dance when someone doesn't play by the rules. I figured that out in fifth grade when we had to learn to square dance. "Allemand Left" doesn't mean "Do-Si-Do".

Wolf appears to be doing everything he can to make this dance one of the most complicated I have attempted in my life, and I have attempted many. Just when he appears to understand the Way Things Work Around Here, off he goes in his own direction, playing by his own secret rules.

Some if this is teenager mentality (those of you without teenagers, consider yourself lucky). Yes, yes, we know that teenagers will gladly give their parents the bird before traipsing off on an adventure that gives mom and dad the willies. But for us, this is doubly frightening.

Children, and particularly adolescents, with Asperger Syndrome fail to realize the seriousness of bending, or even breaking the rules of society's engagement. The dance doesn't fit their M.O., so they make a break for it. In the case of Wolf, the phrase "I'm bored" comes spewing out of his mouth, and woe to the person he fixes his sights on.

We all want our children to break the mold and dance to their own music, but within the boundaries of acceptable behavior, please. Gotta get that message through to someone down there in Utah.

But today, at least, the dance of Himself continues. Maybe we need to change the music...

"Filled up and Poured Out..."

We baked brownies today, but didn't eat any of them. We turned out cookies by the dozen, but not one made it to the cookie jar.

As part of a week-long program at Church called 'Sipping From a Hydrant', our family learned more about the gift of giving today. Took a small drink, as it were.

Brought up within the realm of community service ourselves, it was no stretch for either Yukon or I to accept the challenge of doing something to help our Anchorage brethren. Our main criteria in choosing a project, however, was its involvement of all three of us, sometimes difficult when factoring in a four-year-old. And the Super Bowl.

We decided on baking cookies, but went one step further to drive home the reality of the number of people in Alaska who are hungry today, yesterday, and probably tomorrow.

As soon as we got home from church, Bear, Yukon, and I began working on two batches of brownies and dozens and dozens of snickerdoodles to deliver to the Anchorage Rescue Mission this afternoon, just when the line begins forming at the door. In Anchorage, there are never enough cots for the hundreds of men and women who call sidewalks, park benches, and doorways "home" during the day. One woman always catches my eye. Sitting on a busy corner underneath a pedestrian overpass, winter, summer, and every season in between, she sits in the dirt. Sometimes she catches my eye, sometimes I can't bear to look at her. Today she wasn't there. In fact, she hasn't been there for a few days.

Just after Kickoff, we left our home, fragrant with cinnamon and chocolate, and drove to the Mission, which smelled of stale smoke, sweat, and a lifetime of tears. No fanfare, just a 'God Bless You' and a few smiles from the collection of characters gathered near the front entrance, cigarettes in hand.

As we went to get back in the car, Yukon's foot kicked an empty vodka bottle; Extra Dry.

Very dry, indeed.

Bear asked afterwards, "Mommy, did we share?"

Yep. Poured out.