My lifelong friend D. wrote an interesting post on her blog (Sub)Urban Servant today, talking about all the ways parenting a child with behavioral disorders is not about her.
The lack of sleep, lack of private time, lack of ability to dress up and go out and be a "normal" wife and mother and woman. But it's not about that.
It's also not about putting our kids inside the typical box of proper appearance and behavior. How many times have I taken Wolf somewhere and done a double-triple check to see what he is wearing, if his face is clean, if his socks match, if he looks "good enough" to go out with me, forgetting that the wiring in his brain allow him to forego looks for comfort.
It's so easy to want our children to conform, to fit in, that for some it becomes a desperate effort. I wrote yesterday about Wolf wanting to be someone else, and in a way, I wonder if I might have fostered some of that by wishing and hoping and begging him to act/dress/look a certain way.
Something to chew on, tonight.