Wolf in the World

Finally earning a visit pass after much hard work on everyone's part, Wolf joined me "in the world" this afternoon.

I wish I could have captured the visible joy in his voice as we walked through the double doors of CHYC and across the grass to the car. "I'm out here, I'm out here!"

We so carefully crafted this outing, Wolf's therapist, Unit Director, and I. Aware that anxiety would probably threaten to take over and sabatoge Wolf's afternoon, we had a huddle pre-departure to talk over with Wolf just what would be expected of him.

I was a bit apprehensive, too. It's been a year since we stared at each other face to face across the table at a restaurant, or sat next to each other in a car, or went shopping for shoes. Strange that I was so worried about how to communicate with my kid; stranger still such a thought even entered my head.

To our surprise, the afternoon flew by with little fanfare. We lunched at Applebee's, shopped for shoes and clothes, and ended up at Target so Wolf could spend a little of his cash on some Matchbox cars. With about an hour to spare, Wolf and I retreated to a local park for some lounging.

We lay on the grass, enjoying the feel of the late afternoon breeze. Time turned backwards to another place and another time. "You have no idea how good this feels," Wolf said.

Yeah, I think I do.

Update From the Wolf Den: On Site

My nerves are frayed and my body tired this evening after travel that started shortly after 4 a.m. this morning.

Fortunately flights were on time, even early in one circumstance, and I had a chance to eat at my favorite Japanese restaurant in the SeaTac airport. Bourbon Chicken, vegetables, and rice. All by myself.

It appears that everyone who is anyone is in Salt Lake City this weekend. Lines were long at the car rental, on the freeway, and even in Sonic, the drive-in where I stopped to rustle up some "real food" for Wolf. He requested a burger and fries with a root beer. Food, good.

CHYC has been all spiffed up since my visit in February; new paint, furniture, and carpets that set a whole new tone of professionalism. With a new wing under construction for the Asperger's Program, the place is going great guns. Like it a whole lot.

Wolf was one happy camper to see me and his dinner. We played some cards, read some mail, and talked to Unit Director for a while as the day wound down.

Tomorrow Wolf and I are going to venture out of the building for his first outing in a long, long time. We need to buy more clothes and some new shoes. Nice that Old Navy seems to coincide their sales with my visits.

Update From the Wolf Den: Just Who is Strange, Here?

Countdown two days....As is becoming status quo before a trip down to Utah, I am sorting clothing, packing shoes (I like shoes), and stuffing interesting photos, books, and newspaper clippings into a folder for Wolf to read. And I have a long way to go.

Perhaps I am less enthusiastic about this trip because I am learning that there is much chaos accompanying such journeys. Yukon was to have joined me, but some leave and travel arrangement snafus left us looking at $700 one way for airline tickets. I decided for both of us; no way. So I go solo, which should turn out fine, but I will miss my added bonus person.

We always give the neighbors a heads up when one of us goes out of town; it is an added bonus living in a place where people care about who is going where and why. One particular neighbor over the North fence always asks about Wolf in a peculiar sort of way that is detached but still interested. But I don't tell everybody everything, so in fairness some of that detachment is probably due to not having all the information...

At any rate, our conversation took an interesting turn when he said, shaking his head "Yes, he's a nice kid, but always so strange..."

Speechless, I leaned my arms on the fence and thought about how to respond to this statement of my son's reality. The definition of strange is "departing from what is ordinary, usual, or expected".

But wait a second! Aren't we encouraged to be individuals, out-of-the-box, unique? "Expect the unexpected", "Step over the line", yada yada...

My neighbor and I stared at each other for a beat. Then I fired back.

"You know, I bet he thinks we are pretty boring, being so ordinary."

My neighbor hooked his thumbs into the straps of his overalls, leaned back, and scratched his bristly chin. Then he smiled and went back to raking up dead grass.

With a thoughtful expression.

Ice Age Descendants Reside in Palmer, Alaska!

AKontheGO Fam took a trip to the Palmer Musk Ox farm for a very lovely Mother's Day party.
What's a Mother's day without cuddling some babies? Even if they are walking mops.

A reminder to all those who are enjoying our little corner of Alaska through these posts; you can subscribe to receive them when I post them. How about that?

Check out the 'subscribe' box at the top right of the AKontheGO blog page.

A Day to Celebrate

Dear Friends, Family, and Interested Parties:

This day is one that brings a fair amount of perspective into this adventure we call motherhood. I mentioned in a Facebook Note, during the craze of "25 Things About Me" that I spend a portion of every day working on the meaning of the word "grace".

Ironic, perhaps, that my church homegroup is now reading Philip Yancey's book "What's So Amazing About Grace?", and even more ironic that Yukon and I are leading the group and I must actually study ahead.

Before I give you my thoughts on both grace and motherhood, I must take a second to wipe a child's behind and move the Bionicle from where it landed in my chicken broth...

<4 minutes later>

Motherhood and Grace in the Kirkland Family

1. I simply adore my children even though they have put things down the toilet that don't belong there, broken all their toys to see how they work, and various other boy things I won't mention.

2. I showed exquisite grace by hugging my surly 'tween at school, even when he pretended I didn't exist and introduced me to his friends as "Mumble-Mumble".

3. Somehow I managed the departure of a teenager down a dark and frightening path, figuratively and literally, knowing that my arms will still be there to hold and comfort when that child returns.

4. The dining room table has not an empty place, just a reserved one.

5. As Philip Yancey said, to paraphrase and replace me w/ God (sorry God) "There is nothing my children could do to make me love them more, and there is nothing they could do to make me love them less."

Year of the Wolf: Who Learned More?

It's Saturday morning. Sunny, peaceful; my favorite time of day because no one else is awake and I am not tired. Not yet, anyway.

I am sitting in the room that used to be my son's one year after a flurry of events resulted in his departure for CHYC in Utah. Ironic that as I ponder our lives in retrospect, I am curiously comfortable with he there, me here and we both are fine. In a still-at-school-probably-for-a-while kind of fine.

While Mother's Day is tomorrow and deserves its own post, I would, I think, be remiss not to recognize the things I have learned about myself, my son, the world in general, and this disorder called Asperger's that seems to follow us around no matter where we go. And, of course, since this blog is titled "She is Learning", I suppose I'd better list something educational that might be of assistance to someone else.

MOTHER-LIST...

I now know that Asperger Syndrome is neither his fault nor mine. It simply is.

My son is an engaging, funny, but kind of strange kid. So is half the population of this planet. Get over it, people.

I have learned that people are much more tolerant of someone who looks different on the outside than of those who act different from the inside.

My husband is a saint.

My youngest son will, in all probability, be responsible for his older brother someday.

I know that the world, despite Jenny McCarthy, Larry King, and all the other famous people who promote Autism awareness, still doesn't get it most of the time.

I learned that I am blessedly human, and cannot, should not, and will not be able to fix everything with respect to my children. So there.

Autism does not define our children, ourselves, or our marriages. Each is separate, beautiful, and essential to the whole package deal.

Asperger Syndrome = Grace.

For other mothers who may be facing their own Autism giants; a big whoop-whoop to you. I know what you do, why you do it, and what it is costing you. Even if you can't see it yet.

But we will all be okay. God willing, even our kids.

Arctic Playgroundz; A Place to Refuel!

This coffee-loving mom is thrilled with the opening of Arctic Playgroundz in Anchorage, and felt it worthy of an AKontheGO post to celebrate...

My local mom-friends; You.Must.Go.Here.