Update From the Wolf Den

I have been waiting to see if this post will write itself. Staring out the window at the snowy Chugach foothills, drinking tea, listening to my favorite Chanticleer CD, it was my hope that the focus of this update could be changed to somehow reflect anything positive going on right now in Wolf's life. But I can't figure out how to do it.

That "Conspiracy" among staff at CHYC has done its job, and Wolf is rapidly approaching the moment of absolute truth where he will either sink or start paddling like mad. And we as his parents have come to the ultimate realization that there is not one thing we can do or say beyond general encouragement that will help him decide which is right.

After a week of thinking errors (a term used by the therapy team) involving potentially dangerous activities on the part of my son and a peer, Wolf has found himself at the very bottom of the level system. A phone conference yesterday found me sitting on the family room floor with one hand holding the phone and the other holding my head as the therapist eked out the story from a tight-lipped and audibly squirming Wolf.

I remain somewhat speechless at the information I received, but after 24 hours have been able to process the root issues rather than the emotion of the actual incident. What has surfaced is the continued difficulty understanding and managing the "it sounded good at the time" mentality of so many children with Asperger Sydrome. Unable to comprehend why the rest of us take issue with this, there Wolf sits; thus the therapy team and ultimately the whole family, are at an impasse.

Most disappointing, however, is the fact that Wolf will not be able to join the rest of the family on outings when we go down to Utah. I struggle with my desire to protect my younger son from the confusion that will accompany our explanation of Wolf's absence when we are touring the area. I struggle with my flat out anger at Wolf for not getting it together enough for at least a two-hour pass to join us for the only Christmas he will get with his family. And I agonize over the pain it will cause Wolf when he watches us leave each day without him.

We will perservere, ultimately. Holidays can be rescheduled, venting can be done in private, another visit will be soon. But the rest is up to Wolf. It always was, and always will be.