Friday, December 12, 2008

Update From the Wolf Den

Our week of uncertainty regarding Wolf's ability to process our postponed visit is over. In a discussion early this morning (6:15 a.m. AK time, to be exact), his biggest gripe was the stockpile of boxes with his name on them in the Director's office. That they are Christmas gifts and gifts for his peers (he doesn't know about that part; we made it anonymous) appears inconsequential. He reminds me of the spoiled girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory "I want it NOW!". Okay, maybe not that bad. But really, I would rather quibble over opening gifts early as opposed to some of the other issues that have been taking center stage.

After last week's blowout of emotion, I found a book review that had been stashed on my desk for at least a month, waiting for me to do something with it. The book itself is about raising maturing "'tweens", and I originally saved it for a friend who is approaching this stage with her oldest son. In the depths of this review were questions for parents to gauge their balance between flying off the handle at something unacceptable their child says or does, and not giving feedback at all.

Parents of Asperger children know where I am going with this. How many times a day did/does my child do or say something that is so out of line it makes me want to give him a thump upside the head and shout until my voice breaks? Many. Fortunately my stronger sense of control usually prevails, but I know I am guilty of occasionally losing my cool.

When I read the reflective questions provied by the author of this book, titled "How to Hug a Porcupine", the simplicity of it all was astonishingly clear.
I stuck the review in Wolf's file so that during our next telecon, I can refer to it and slap my own self upside the noggin.

- Would I treat my spouse this way?

- Would I want to be treated this way?

- Would I use these words with my spouse?

- Would I use this tone with my best friend?

- Would I want my child to use this body language/facial expression in speaking to me? (ohhhh, that one drives me crazy. Eye-rolling, especially!)

Guess I better read it again.


dorothy said...

Think I need to read this one...we just had a big scene over a balloon escaping (by a 9 year old?!) but he had a feeling of ownership over it and so it was a personal crisis that he had LOST something. Not fair, unacceptable and absolutly worth a meltdown in his world.

AKBrady said...

I checked it out, worth every penny, I would think. The therapist said to Wolf this morning; "if you're looking for fair, you won't find it"... ooohhh.