Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Update From the Wolf Den: Such a Strange Dance

I feel like Yukon, Wolf and I are engaged in some strange, three-sided folk dance. We have the caller to tell us what to do, where to go, and when to go there. Two of us understand the rules of the dance and proceed to the next step, while one of us breaks the chain of hands and goes off in their own direction, thus messing with the whole thing. Darn them. Everybody knows you can't do a folk dance when someone doesn't play by the rules. I figured that out in fifth grade when we had to learn to square dance. "Allemand Left" doesn't mean "Do-Si-Do".

Wolf appears to be doing everything he can to make this dance one of the most complicated I have attempted in my life, and I have attempted many. Just when he appears to understand the Way Things Work Around Here, off he goes in his own direction, playing by his own secret rules.

Some if this is teenager mentality (those of you without teenagers, consider yourself lucky). Yes, yes, we know that teenagers will gladly give their parents the bird before traipsing off on an adventure that gives mom and dad the willies. But for us, this is doubly frightening.

Children, and particularly adolescents, with Asperger Syndrome fail to realize the seriousness of bending, or even breaking the rules of society's engagement. The dance doesn't fit their M.O., so they make a break for it. In the case of Wolf, the phrase "I'm bored" comes spewing out of his mouth, and woe to the person he fixes his sights on.

We all want our children to break the mold and dance to their own music, but within the boundaries of acceptable behavior, please. Gotta get that message through to someone down there in Utah.

But today, at least, the dance of Himself continues. Maybe we need to change the music...

1 comment:

dorothy said...

I'm glad (in a sick, friends for 35 years kind of way) that you are going through this ahead of me. My AS son is 9 going on 13 with precocious puberty messing everything up even worse than usual. I see the beginning of the dance here - 11 of us heading in one defection with total understanding and one digging in his heels, crying foul, and taking off emotionally in the opposite direction. Who knew those dance lessons with Monita would help us both so much?

FYI - cousin Richard is up there in AK with you...deeper in I think. :)